i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
