i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
