The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
