she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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