So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
