my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
