She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Blood and glitter go together right?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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