tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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