So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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