i can't believe i had my finger in that
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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