thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
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