you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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