so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
She's the barista slut.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize