that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
