I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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