dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
only if we run a train.
done.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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