How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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