I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize