i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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