you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize