just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
where are my eyebrows?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
