PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
