This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
