They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
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