So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
