You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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