I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize