Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
