I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
