I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize