i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
