I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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