My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
