well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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