I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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