dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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