Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
