I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
