I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
