you traded sex for a burrito?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
