i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
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