My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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