I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize