so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize