is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
