honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
