For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Who died my cat blue again?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
