Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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