what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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