i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
