I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Randomize
