just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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