Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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