Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
