Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
