laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
