I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
