you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
