I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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