Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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