Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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