Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
