Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize