Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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