You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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