you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
