I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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