a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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